I think that there are more issues to my ex than just NPD or maybe the behavior I’m witnessing is just an extension of his problem. Like many women who have separated from their children’s father, I had to file for child support. My husband waited until his checks were low enough to have the support lowered, citing that it would put him below the poverty level.
Our most recent conversations were about our kids and their needs. Last week he questioned our son about the child support being deducted from his checks. When I realized that he was inquiring about a matter that should not be discussed with our 13 year old, I took the phone and asked my husband what it was that he wanted to know.
He asked me about the amount I was receiving and then went into explaining how he couldn’t pay his rent at the motel he resides. My kids and I have been sleeping on sofas and floors while he sleeps in a bed. I didn’t ask the court to have his wages garnished, they did it on their own because he had an arrearage over $600.
When we had our second court date on child support the judge lowered his obligation, however she said we were to split any medical expenses. I contacted him via text to inform him of psychological testing our daughter needed to enter school. His response was that we had already discussed the children and he asked me not to text him. He claimed that the courts were taking more than they should and if I had any complaints, I should take it up with the courts.
Due to his fickle conversations, I have been recording our interactions for over a year. I only contacted him per the court order and he worded his response to make it look like I was harassing him. I didn’t expect him to do the right thing in this situation however, I felt it was my duty to make the need known.
Anytime I mention the children and their needs, he responds with a laundry list of things he doesn’t have or things he can’t do for himself. Though I have needs, I never bring them up. My only concern is my children. Our recent interaction was fruitless. If I was in his shoes, I’d only state my intentions to make sure that the kids got whatever it is they needed.
My only wish is that I will be in the position to provide their needs without his help. I view this as more feeding of his supply. Inside, I am content because I know that my fight for their security is undying. First and foremost, I look to myself. He can continue to manipulate his friends and family, I will continue to make moves to provide.