The Deadbeat Complainer…

I think that there are more issues to my ex than just NPD or maybe the behavior I’m witnessing is just an extension of his problem. Like many women who have separated from their children’s father, I had to file for child support. My husband waited until his checks were low enough to have the support lowered, citing that it would put him below the poverty level.

Our most recent conversations were about our kids and their needs. Last week he questioned our son about the child support being deducted from his checks. When I realized that he was inquiring about a matter that should not be discussed with our 13 year old, I took the phone and asked my husband what it was that he wanted to know.

He asked me about the amount I was receiving and then went into explaining how he couldn’t pay his rent at the motel he resides. My kids and I have been sleeping on sofas and floors while he sleeps in a bed. I didn’t ask the court to have his wages garnished, they did it on their own because he had an arrearage over $600.

When we had our second court date on child support the judge lowered his obligation, however she said we were to split any medical expenses. I contacted him via text to inform him of psychological testing our daughter needed to enter school. His response was that we had already discussed the children and he asked me not to text him. He claimed that the courts were taking more than they should and if I had any complaints, I should take it up with the courts.

Due to his fickle conversations, I have been recording our interactions for over a year. I only contacted him per the court order and he worded his response to make it look like I was harassing him. I didn’t expect him to do the right thing in this situation however, I felt it was my duty to make the need known.

Anytime I mention the children and their needs, he responds with a laundry list of things he doesn’t have or things he can’t do for himself. Though I have needs, I never bring them up. My only concern is my children. Our recent interaction was fruitless. If I was in his shoes, I’d only state my intentions to make sure that the kids got whatever it is they needed.

My only wish is that I will be in the position to provide their needs without his help. I view this as more feeding of his supply. Inside, I am content because I know that my fight for their security is undying. First and foremost, I look to myself. He can continue to manipulate his friends and family, I will continue to make moves to provide.

Power Struggle

Where does your power lie?

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You’ve taken more than you ever dreamed you could withstand. Verbal and psychological abuse have become your comfort and place of twisted love. You cling to it as if its your very breath… STOP!

Let go! Breathe… the truth is, and I’m speaking to myself first, you know who you’re dealing with now. You know that it’s not the product you thought you were getting. It was a child in a man’s body wrapped in psuedo-consciousness masking narcissism and deep rooted self hate.

Yes, you “were” a victim… you no longer have to be. The day you decided to let go of the love, you made the biggest leap. You watched as the narcisstic controller tried to hold on and pull you back in but you held on to what know to be more beneficial for your life.

A place of renewal…

I am very excited to start this blog. This is my third one and I plan to make it my most active. For years I have held on to a story that I wanted desperately to share. Each of my previous blogs served as my personal diary. Today I am now ready to release my repressed soul and spirit.

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The meaning of Lotus Butterfly:

The name is significant to the journey of death and rebirth that occurs when you’ve been trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship for any period of time. It’s expressive of the journey to reconnect and rebuild the self through self love. The Lotus and the butterfly represent renewal and strength as well as resilience.

I hope that through the sharing of my story you can find strength and inspiration to heal your broken heart and mind.